Thursday, August 6, 2009

I'm not a Baby Hater.

That's my present offering down front and center, the one in brown and avocado with the pompom in place of a bow. I consider it a masculine alternative to a bow.

I've decided these characteristics = a miserable baby shower experience for me: (and certainly all baby showers should be designed to make me and only me happy and entertained)

1) games, lots of games, games where I have to get out of my chair, and games where I have to make something out of paper products--Name one other time that you do the kind of things required in baby shower games. They are abnormal.

2) a huge guest list which translates into a 3 hour marathon gift opening/passing session--I just really don't understand the tradition of unwrapping and passing the gifts at baby or wedding showers. I know it's what everyone does. You have to do it. You would seem rude if you didn't, but it can take SO long. I guess it's social pressure not to get a cheap, loser gift.

3) no booze--Be honest. This could save the party, but it normally doesn't happen at baby showers. I understand why, but just remember the mom is getting drunk on all the great stuff she's racking up. Throw me, the guest, a bone. This is the kind of party where guests need it the most, especially if you're asking me to play all those crazy games.

Now, I may sound like a lazy, selfish drunk by saying all this, but in your heart, YOU KNOW YOU AGREE. It's a party! It should be relaxed and fun!

I went to a baby shower on Saturday that I have to say was one of THE BEST baby showers I ever attended. Here's the mom-to-be's post on it.
Cute, stylish home! No games! We wrote the little man a note, which was sweet. Small, intimate guest list! I got to talk to people and gift opening was a very reasonable amount of time (plus I had a comfortable chair). The food, as you can see, was DELICIOUS. Seriously, so good. I always eat a lot at showers, so this is important to me. Stuffing my mouth helps relieve some social anxiety and distract from my profuse sweating. Plus, wait for it, there were margaritas! And even cuter, there were mom-a-ritas, too! What considerate and perfect hostesses! Everyone was happy.
Now, I will tell a short anecdote illustrating how uncouth I am. It's always highlighted at events like these, where I'm dressed up and mildly nervous and trying to make jokes to make myself feel better. During the gift opening/passing, I jokingly told a fellow guest and new mother that I thought baby clothes were the cutest parts of babies, really just meaning that I think baby clothes are cute. Ha Ha. It came out badly I admit, but I'm not trying to knock babies, especially her baby or the baby of honor. My fellow guest didn't really laugh at my "joke." Later on, she started to ask if Hub and I were thinking a having kids sometime and then said that she guessed I wasn't having a baby anytime soon if I thought the clothes were the cutest part of babies. I think I insulted her. I cannot keep my feet out of my mouth. I tried to do damage control and explain, but I'm pretty sure she secretly thinks I'm a baby hater and a bad person. I am a fairly irreverent and sometimes I joke about things that I shouldn't, but baby hater, not really. I just stoop to get a cheap laugh.
I wish I was one of those people who always say the right thing at the right time. My mother-in-law is like that--overflowing tact in that one. You'd think it'd rub off a little.

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