Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Am I Ready?

Last night, I thought back to when we decided to make this leap, and I had to recall how quickly we changed our minds on the issue. In a matter of days, we went from no-way-we're havin'-fun-and-we-like-to-go-out-and-I-like-quiet to we're-so-ready-let's-totally-have-the-best-baby-eva. We shocked me.

Sometimes we turn to one another and ask, "What did we do?"

Sometimes I think there is no way I'm ready to be a mom. NO WAY. I'm just driving around, laying on the couch, bathing Lu, cooking the salmon, playing Mah Jong, flipping through my new Martha Stewart, and doing what I do, and then I realize with panic that NOTHING WILL BE THE SAME IN SIX MONTHS. Six months is nothing. Do you even hear me? It is no time.

I really can't visualize what life will be like, but I know that it will not be like this. And I think, "You need to wake up, dummy." I'm acting so casual and normal. Then every once in awhile I get this revelation. I feel like I need to realize to seriousness of the situation and start learning to be more mom-esque. I'VE GOT TO GET MY ACT TOGETHER! I should be cleaning or organizing or stretching or something.

I don't have natural mom impulses like everyone else. I'll tell you right now that I'm not sympathetic or gentle or patient or those other things. Sometimes babies annoy me and make me uncomfortable and nervous. Sometimes other moms or moms-to-be say things that have never once occurred to me. And I shake my head, so I look like I know what I'm doing, and on the inside I'm trying really hard to file away this mom information and commit it to memory so I don't ruin my baby. I'm panting right now. This could go very badly. So badly. For sure, I'm going to raise an emotion mutant. Watch out. He might eat your baby's face off.


Jennifer said...

Okay, I understand your fears (I'm about as comfortable and natural holding a baby as I am a football), but on the other hand, I sort of think you're crazy! Here's how I like to think of it: you basically have a one year(ish) grace period where you only have to keep the baby alive. That means keeping him or her clean, fed, and rested, right? That's a pretty low bar and a really generous grace period! Surely that gives us enough time to prepare for the "actual parenting" that happens later...right? :)

Also, you are going to be *so good* at this! That's one lucky WeeWoo you've got in there!

kendrick said...

My catch-all statement for things like this is that people have been doing this for thousands of years, for the most part with no modern conveniences. And these people were much less awesome than you & Carter. You guys are going to be awesome parents, and I'd say it's perfectly natural to figure this thing out as you go.

Molly said...

First of all, know that how you feel is totally normal. Completely.

I think there are 2 kinds of people. Some, like you, are thinking what the crap have I done, I don't know what to do with this thing, am going to suck at this and ruin a human being. And those are the ones you actually want to befriend after the baby's here because you're in it together, figuring it out with successes and failures as you go, because noone knows what they're doing!

And those others who think they know everything, have got it all figured out, and that life will be just the same as it is now, the baby will be all perfect and painless and no trouble at all. And those are the people you're intimidated by when you're pregnant and that you want to kinda laugh at after the baby's here. So those people who have the perfect "maternal instincts" you're talking about get a but load of humbling in infant-hood...because I don't care who you are, those months are HARD!

You're not ready, you never will, but at some point, you'll feel as ready as you'll ever be...and by that time, the baby will be here and it all begins!

Take advantage of the salmon, Martha Stewart, and lazing around. Enjoy it!!! And know that life will surely be different, but it won't be worse. Sounds dooms-day-ish, but it's true! So different, but not in a bad way. And you're not in it alone! Jeff and I have truly learned what it is to be a team. It's kinda like your nights lazing on the couch together, bonding and hanging out are replaced with figuring this whole thing out, bonding by learning your baby and who they are together. Is it easy? NO. Is it great? YES!

And more than all of this, like K said, 16 year olds do it, people in the far reaches of civilization do it...and all with out a bottle warmer and a coture diaper bag! And like J said...just keep the thing alive. That is truly the main goal of the first 6 months.

Somehow God has equipped us as women to do this...and He'll take care! Through all the struggles and joys, He'll take care and give you what you need when you need it.

You guys are going to be great parents!!!

Molly said...

wow...that was really long...

Michele said...

I don't know if anyone is ever ready. Gosh, that wasn’t much help, was it? I'm an organized person who likes to have a plan. I thought I was prepared before we welcomed our first little one. Well, that just all goes out the window. It's okay to not know what you are doing. I'm so thankful that children don't have a memory for the first year because we’ve made some major rookie mistakes! You'll do fine, and if you don't, he/she won't remember! Seriously, you'll do fine! One more thing, some advice I received from a wise individual applies here--just have faith. Having children is a major leap of faith into the unknown but the reward is so great!

Beth Wooten said...

I don't know what to say besides thanks... Thanks, guys. :)